[Mb-civic] Raya sent this

[Michael Butler]

From: RAYAFromCA at webtv.net (Raya King)
Date: Thu, 2 Dec 2004 18:24:30 -0800
To: rayafromca at webtv.net
Subject: border problems -very funny


The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada
has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols
to stop the illegal immigration.
The re-election of President Bush is prompting the exodus among left
leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray and
agree with Bill O'Reilly.  Canadian border farmers say it's not
uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal rights activists
and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.  
''I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood
producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield,
whose acreage borders North Dakota.  The producer was cold,
exhausted and hungry.
''He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When
I said I didn't have any, he left.  Didn't even get a chance to show
him my screenplay, eh?"
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher
fences, but the liberals scaled them.  So he tried installing
speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields.  ''Not real
effective," he said. ''The liberals still got through, and Rush
annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals
near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive
them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves.
''A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an
Ontario border patrolman said.  ''I found one carload without a drop
of drinking water.  They did have a nice little Napa Valley
Cabernet, though."
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often
wailing loudly that they fear retribution from
conservatives.  Rumors have been circulating about the Bush
administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be
forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR.
In the days since the election, liberals have turned to sometimes
ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as
senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription
drugs.  After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in
powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and
quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers.
''If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show,
we get suspicious about their age," an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are
creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan
Sarandon movies.
''I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just
can't support them," an Ottawa resident said.  ''How many
art-history majors does one country need?"
In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice
President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that
the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close
to Cheney said.  ''We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary
concerts.  And we might put some endangered species on postage
stamps.  The president is determined to reach out."