[Mb-civic] Disorder in the Court

[Barbara Siomos]

Thank you Alex for the g-r-e-a-t laugh....

barbara
>From: "Alexander Harper"
><harperalexander at mail.com> 
>To: mb-civic at islandlists.com 
>Date: Mon, Sep 20, 2004, 2:10pm (EDT-1)
   
My apologies in advance to those of you, who have already seen this, but
I thought it was worth sharing just the same.

These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things
people actually said in court, word
for word, taken down and now published by court
reporters - who had the torment of staying calm
while these exchanges were taking place. Some of
them are excellent - don't miss the last one.
==========================================
  > >Q: Are you sexually active?
  > >A: No, I just lie there
  
_________________________________________
  > >Q: What is your date of birth?
  > >A: July 15th.
  > >Q: What year?
  > >A: Every year.
  > >________________________________________
  > >Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
  > >A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
  > >________________________________________
  > >Q: This myas thenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
  > >A: Yes.
  > >Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
  > >A: I forget.
  > >Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that
you've
 >> A: forgotten?
  > >______________________________________
  > >Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
  > >A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
  > >Q: How long has he lived with you?
  > >A: Forty-five years.
  > >_______________________________________
  > >Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke
up
that
  > morning?
  > >A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
  > >Q: And why did that upset you?
  > >A: My name is Susan.
  > >________________________________________
  > >Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo
or the
  > occult?
  > >A: We both do.
  > >Q: Voodoo?
  > >A: We do.
  > >Q: You do?
  > >A: Yes, voodoo.
  > >_________________________________________
  > >Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he
  > doesn't know about it until the next morning?
  > >_________________________________________
  > >Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
  > >__________________________________________
  > >Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
  > >A: Yes.
  > >Q: And what were you doing at that time?
  > >________________________________________
  > >Q: She had three children, right?
  > >A: Yes.
  > >Q: How many were boys?
  > >A: None.
  > >Q: Were there any girls?
  > >________________________________________
  > >Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
  > >A: By death.
  > >Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
  > >________________________________________
  > >Q: Can you describe the individual?
  > >A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
  > >Q: Was this a male or a female?
  > >_________________________________________
  > >Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice
  > which I sent to your attorney?
  > >A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
  > >_________________________________________
  > >Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
  > >A: All my autopsies are perf ormed on dead people.
  > >_________________________________________
  > >Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go
to?
  > >A: Oral.
  > >_________________________________________
  > >Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
  > >A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
  > >Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
  > >A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.
  > >_________________________________________
  > >Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
  > >_________________________________________
  > >Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
  > >A: No.
  > >Q: Did you check for blood pressure? >
  > >A: No.
  > >Q: Did you check for breat hing?
  > >A: No.
  > >Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began
the
  > autopsy?
  > >A: No.
  > >Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
  > >A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
  > >Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
  > >A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law
  > somewhere.
  >