[Mb-civic] Today's British Bobby (FT Notebook)

[Alexander Harper]

Notebook
>By Jonathan Guthrie
>Published: August 3 2005 20:03 | Last updated: August 3 2005 20:03
>>
An elderly American couple approach a policeman near Leicester Square. 

Woman: Hi there! Can you tell us how to get to the National Picture Gallery?

Policeman: Gnf mnf fnf!

Woman: Excuse me?

Policeman: Bloomin’ respirator. That’s better. National Gallery? Straight down, then right. Can’t miss it.

Woman: Is that thing for hay fever? Herb here gets terrible hay fever.

Policeman: (shiftily) That’s right Madam. Nothing else seems to work.

Woman: Is that vest bullet-proof?

Policeman: It’s certainly shower-proof. Can’t be too careful with the British weather.

Man: Jeepers, that’s a big gun. Is that a Heckler Koch? I could use a thing like that back home for shooting deer.

Policeman: (patting gun) It’s for reassuring the public, sir.

Man: I’m sure as hell reassured by it. We thought the Brits didn’t like guns. Seems you’re getting more American every day. We hear you cops shot a guy dead on the subway last week.

Policeman: Unfortunate that. Illegal immigrant.

Man: Don’t worry, son. We shoot those guys back home too.

Woman: We really appreciate the support Britain has given the US in our crusade against Muslim terror.

So few countries were willing to become targets by helping us invade Iraq. That’s why Herb and me didn’t cancel our vacation here. Would you like a “Fight for Freedom” button?

Policeman: No thanks.

Woman: I could pin it on your shower-proof vest. It might deflect a bullet. Policeman: No, really.

Woman: We were thinking of visiting Notting Hill. We loved the film with Hugh Grant.

Policeman: (doubtfully) They might still have cordons up in Notting Hill.

Man: Cordons?

Policeman: For, er . . . growing the fruit! Cause terrible traffic congestion. I’d avoid Notting Hill.

Man: Is any London neighbourhood too dangerous to visit?

Policeman: Nowhere is more dangerous than anywhere else at the moment. Just try to stay away from unattended luggage and er . . . attended luggage. And stations. And trains. And buses.

Man: We’ll catch a cab. Fight for freedom!

Woman: And have a nice day! Policeman: (To himself, as his radio squawks into life) Some hope, with a 12-hour shift and no break.
 
 
AlBaraka

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