[Mb-civic] !!!

[Ian]

This is truly one for the books.  It was originally written by a guy named John Kelly - a teacher, philosopher, writer, artist and political activist.  I did a tiny bit of editing to make it "flow" better.

Hope you enjoy it!

Peace.

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What if George met Jesus?

 

I had this dream last night that George Bush had a visit from Jesus and was really saved.  In my dream, George came home from a bike ride, smiling from ear to ear - a genuine smile, not his usual smirking chimp, self-congratulating, "I-just-thought-of-another-country-I-can-invade" look.  But an honest to goodness smile of discovery.

 

"Laura, you're never gonna guess what happened today."

 

"What, George?"

 

"I was bike riding out through the back forty and hit a rock, and tumbled to the ground.  I rolled over and looked up - and there stood Jesus: long hair, beard, white robe, sandals - the whole bit!"

 

"Oh, George."

 

"No, Laura, that's what I thought too at first.  In fact, I said, "Yeah - right!."  And He said "No, really - watch this" - and He levitated a steer, floated it around in a circle until it was dizzy, and set it back on the ground, where it promptly fell over.  It was amazing!"

 

"Sure, George."

 

"No, no, Laura - I've seen the light!  Not like when I thought God told me to run for President.  In fact, Jesus knew that preacher in Midland was just pumping me up to get a big donation from daddy."

 

"Sure, George.  Just like when God told you to invade Iraq."

 

"No, Laura.  He showed me what is going to happen if I don't change, and it wasn't pretty!  So, Laura, I'm going to change.  Jesus and I had a long talk and this is what we decided."

 

"First, I'm going to stop the war in Iraq and offer to make reparations there - and around the rest of the world where we have hurt and exploited people.  I don't even care if John Kerry and Joe Biden don't want me to.  I have to bring about world peace - Jesus said as the most powerful man in the world that it was my responsibility.  To do it, we have to disarm the military and take that half a trillion dollars a year to help establish a sustainable environment, cure diseases, and eliminate hunger and poverty.  I'll send all of the military people out to work to build infrastructure projects in America and around the world.  It will be one big Peace Corps!"

 

"Next, I'm gonna nationalize all of the big defense contractors, the utilities, and the drug and pharmaceutical companies.  After all, their research and development costs were funded by the public's taxes, and we've given those industries enough tax breaks.  So they really would just be giving back money they stole in the first place!  General Dynamics, The Carlyle Group, Halliburton and all of the other big defense contractors are going to have a new assignment - developing clean energy, restoring the environment, and dealing with the consequences of global warming.  But now they will be non-profits like all of my old businesses were."

 

"I told Him that I didn't think daddy would like that, and He said that I was supposed to be a steward of the earth.  I told Him that I was a cheerleader once, and was that what He meant?  He said, "No," that what He meant was that I had a responsibility to unborn children to make the world's environment better for them.  I said that was good, because I was for the unborn.  He told me that I shouldn't be interfering with people's personal decisions - that those were between them and His Dad.  I said, "You mean You don't want us to stop abortions?"  He said, "O ye of little faith: do you really believe that mere humans can thwart the birth of any soul God wants born?"  I told Him that I had never thought of it that way."

 

"The next thing is that Dick, Karl, Tom, and that guy Frist - and all of those guys over at American Enterprise Institution, The Heritage Foundation and The Wall Street Journal editorial board - are going to get drafted and sent to work in the vegetable fields and meat-packing plants of America so they can 'get their hands dirty' learn some compassion for others.  I told Him they wouldn't like that.  But He said that if I didn't do it, they didn't have a prayer of getting into Heaven.  So it's for their own good."

 

"He also said I was supposed to take all of the wealth anyone had over $200,000 and give it to people to start small businesses and co-ops to provide for their own needs so they wouldn't have to work in a meaningless job in a rat maze of cubicles at a monster corporation that would dump them and cancel their pensions as soon as they got close to retirement.  In fact, He told me to offer everyone national healthcare, disability, retirement pensions and meaningful work.  He said that that's what government was supposed to do if they wanted to follow His message.  I told Him that would make a lot of my rich friends pretty angry.  And He said again that it was for their own good - something about a camel and a needle.  I didn't really understand that part.  I asked, "Even the Waltons?," and He said, well, for some people it was just too late, and he planned on turning them - including Tucker Carlson, Bill O'Reilly, Anne Coulter and Rush Limbaugh - into pigs and driving them into the sea.  I thought that was kind of scary."

 

Laura laughed, "Oh, George.  Helen Walton isn't going to like that!"

 

"Maybe.  But then I asked Him, with all of those people gone, what will I do for advice and direction?  He told me to seek my own direction, but that reading the Sermon on the Mount would be a good idea.  He said it was easier to understand than 'My Pet Goat," but that, just in case, I should appoint Bernie Sanders as my new Vice President and listen to him."

 

"Sure, sure, George.  But what do you think your mother is going to say to all of this?"

 

"Well, I asked Him how to deal with her, because I know she's gonna be upset.  He said to tell her that she is forgiven, and to 'go and sin no more.'  I feel so much better!"
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