[Mb-hair] Church Bulletins

[Gerald Gerald]

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These
sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or
were announced in church services: 

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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
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Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday
at 8 PM in the
recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the
King.
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance
to get rid of those
things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your
husbands.
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The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been
canceled due to a conflict.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our
community.  Smile at
someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who
doesn't care much about you.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way
again," giving
obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it,
we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.
They need all the
help they can get.
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The Rector will preach his farewell message after
which the choir will
sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on
October 24 in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in their
school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the
church hall. Music will follow.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will
be "What Is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the
addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some
older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other
items to be recycled.  Proceeds will be used to
cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with
the deceased
person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super
entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and
medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of
every kind. They may
be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in
the park across
from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to
sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10
AM. All ladies
are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the
B. S. is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the
congregation would
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake
breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7
PM. Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's
Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The
congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First
Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new
tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My
Pledge - Up Yours